Musician’s Dues


A rock musician quite gay

desperately needed a lay.

He looked in bars

for dudes with guitars,

but, like a customer, he had to pay.



He discovered that if he paid,

he could usually get himself laid.

But after the fuck,

he run out of luck;

for seconds, the dude never stayed.



An amateur, he didn’t make real dough,

but still he needed his thrills, though,

so he gave up on dudes,

and his life much improved,

when he went out and bought a dildo.


Copyright 2013

T. Allen Culpepper


Untitled limericks

According to Michel de Montaigne,

the mind of a man can contain

a whole lot of fluff

but not much solid stuff,

’cause his thoughts are mixed up in his brain.



There once was a professor called Leeming

who lectured on “Being” and “Seeming,”

but students couldn’t decide

for the sake of their lives

if any of her points were redeeming.



There once was a student from Venice

who couldn’t control his penis.

He wanted to fuck,

but he was all out of luck,

’cause before he could start he would finish.



There once was a doctor named Hacker

who was just a bit of a slacker.

His patients all died,

his receptionist cried,

but his nurse took the blame, and he sacked her.



There once was a dude from Yazoo

who had attitude outta the wazoo.

He thought he was hot;

the ladies thought not,

and told him, “Fuck off, you spaz, you.”


Copyright 2013

T. Allen Culpepper