Musician’s Dues

1

A rock musician quite gay

desperately needed a lay.

He looked in bars

for dudes with guitars,

but, like a customer, he had to pay.

 

2

He discovered that if he paid,

he could usually get himself laid.

But after the fuck,

he run out of luck;

for seconds, the dude never stayed.

 

3

An amateur, he didn’t make real dough,

but still he needed his thrills, though,

so he gave up on dudes,

and his life much improved,

when he went out and bought a dildo.

 

Copyright 2013

T. Allen Culpepper

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Untitled limericks

According to Michel de Montaigne,

the mind of a man can contain

a whole lot of fluff

but not much solid stuff,

’cause his thoughts are mixed up in his brain.

 

 

There once was a professor called Leeming

who lectured on “Being” and “Seeming,”

but students couldn’t decide

for the sake of their lives

if any of her points were redeeming.

 

 

There once was a student from Venice

who couldn’t control his penis.

He wanted to fuck,

but he was all out of luck,

’cause before he could start he would finish.

 

 

There once was a doctor named Hacker

who was just a bit of a slacker.

His patients all died,

his receptionist cried,

but his nurse took the blame, and he sacked her.

 

 

There once was a dude from Yazoo

who had attitude outta the wazoo.

He thought he was hot;

the ladies thought not,

and told him, “Fuck off, you spaz, you.”

 

Copyright 2013

T. Allen Culpepper