To Voodoo or Not To?

So I almost bought the voodoo doll

claiming to deliver positive energy,

but then I felt uneasy, fearful that

doing so might disrespect two

religions in one act of consumerism,

which would be like the opposite

of positive energy and kick my karma’s ass

which would be, like, bad.

 

Copyright 2015

T. Allen Culpepper

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The Perfect Outfit for Spring

Start with faded tropical camouflage trunks;

they will double as swimwear if you fancy a dip later.

Then pull on a pair of rolled cotton spray-on

floral print nylon motocross jeans, which will

go great with the trippy see-through yellow

suede loafers—or mash things up with the

perforated white leather winklepicker boots

(without socks, of course; if you own socks,

burn them now or risk permanent exclusion

from membership in the haute-couture community).

On top, as a base layer, start with a

crumpled silk crepe tunic embossed with

psychedelic butterflies, the more the better.

Over that goes a western bandana shirt.

Leave the collar open—it’s spring, after all—

or try a skinny naval-themed mini-dot tie,

in burgundy, if you want to dress things up a bit.

Either way, go with a rust-speckled white

neoprene belt to make it all pop.

A short jacket is de rigueur, but you have

a variety of options as long as you keep it short:

a khaki-and-red military-inspired utility jacket,

a slim-lapelled color-blocked blazer in

grass green and heightened electric blue,

or a pink waxed denim and lambskin

motorcycle jacket (if you want to go

for something even edgier, you could even

choose a wide-striped hooded cardigan, as long

as it’s made from the last sheep of the species).

For the finishing touch, a pocket square

patterned with black gothic flowers.

If you’re going out, protect yourself from the

elements with a tropical-orange rain parka

and shimmering circular welder shades.

Hats are out this season as designers

aim for wearable practical simplicity.

 

Note: My information (used with a little bit of poetic license) comes from GQ, The Guardian, The Sartorialist, and Style.com, reporting on the runway shows from London, Paris, and Milan.

 

 

Copyright 2013

T. Allen Culpepper