According to the reports, a Florida couple got into trouble with the police after they tried to sell the golden tickets that Jesus gave them behind the KFC to raise money
so that they could take a saucer ride into space to do drugs. Police confiscated cash (people actually bought the tickets), drug paraphernalia (no shit), and a baby alligator.
Of course there were drugs involved;
the space alien handed them out
as samples of future possibility,
and who could blame the couple
he gave them to for a little bit
of entrepreneurial fundraising.
I mean, honestly, who doesn’t
want to leave earth and take off
into space to do a lot of drugs?
That’s only natural. So when
they ran into Jesus behind the KFC
and he offered them the golden
tickets to sell, they had to take them.
You would have done exactly
the same thing. I mean, jesus,
it was Jesus. And as for the
ticket-buyers, if they thought
they could go to heaven,
much less buy gold, for a
hundred bucks, they kinda
got what was coming to them.
Still, I do envy their optimism.
Moral: If you run into Jesus behind a KFC and he offers you golden tickets so you can raise money for saucer fare to fly off into space to get drugs from some alien dude named Steve, you should ask lots of questions and keep the drugs out of sight.
T. Allen Culpepper