So these three bears, a huge bear, a biggish bear,
and a cub, more of an otter really, lived in a cabin
out in the woods, as bears like to do.
One Saturday morning, for a late breakfast, they cooked up
a big pot of oatmeal, with cinnamon and raisins
and walnuts and cream, and dished it out into bowls,
but it was too damn hot to eat, so they decided
to take a little stroll while it cooled.
Meanwhile, Goldilocks, a pretty, kind of fem
city boy who shouldn’t have tried navigating
the woods alone, was brunching in the park with some friends,
and got bored, as boys like him tend to do
so he wandered off and decided to take a stroll as well,
but of course he got all disoriented and lost the trail.
By the time he accidentally found the bears’ cabin,
he was tired, lost, and hungry again.
No one answered his knock or hello, and the door
happened to be unlocked, so he ventured in.
Now, to be fair, Goldilocks wasn’t the type
who usually went around helping himself to what
wasn’t his, but he was starving by now, and the
oatmeal just looked too good to resist, but he
didn’t want to take too much, so he just sampled
a little bit from each bowl, so no one would really notice.
After that, he was just going to sit for a minute
until he got his strength back, but there were only
three chairs, and none of them really seemed to suit him—
maybe they were uncomfortable or the wrong size,
or maybe he was just restless.
Anyway, he was looking around for a pen and paper
to leave a little note sweetly apologizing for the intrusion,
when the bears returned. There was just a moment of awkwardness,
but then they got things sorted, and Goldilocks tried out
each bear’s bed separately, but couldn’t make up his mind,
so in the end, all four of them just piled into the huge bear’s bed together.
T. Allen Culpepper